Writings and Stories by Ard the Author
Ard at Play
About Ard The Author
Author Biography
Ever since the first two-leggeds scratched pictures on the walls of caves and later mastered the art of putting words on papyrus, they have fostered the desire to have their stories preserved for the ages. I have enjoyed reading and later writing since I was a kid. Before I ever started formal education my mom encouraged me by reading bedtime stories every night. She would have me follow along by looking at the words as she spoke them. Then she would have me read every other paragraph. I was hooked immediately. I entered Kindergarten with nascent reading skills and by first grade when it was formally introduced to the introductory primmer, I could read Dick and Jane cover to cover the day it was handed out. I also liked to have mom make up bed-time stories. She soon employed the same method as she had with introducing me to reading. She would make up a story then have me make up a story. Cowboy shows on TV were big at the time and my Uncle Bill had made me a three-foot-high, two-dimensional cowboy out of some thick plywood to hang my clothes on. This inspired me tell a series of “Towel Rack the Cowboy” stories that mom seemed to enjoy thoroughly. The first full length novel I consumed was an adolescent version of Tom Sawyer. By that point I could not get enough of the written word.
Copyright Infringement
I am happy to offer my written works on this platform for all to enjoy without the need for renumeration, unless you genuinely desire to make a free will donation. If so, see Pay Pal option at bottom of page. That being said, I do not relinquish the ownership of said works whether you chip in or not. If anyone poaches my work to sell or to publish under their name, they will be targeted by my crack legal team of Smith and Wesson. A high-powered entity that specializes in “out of court” settlements. Capiche?
My Hooter Is Crazier Than Your Hooter
A Memoir Of Two Crazy Guys
Introduction
Introduction
Introduction
I Meet The Man. I despise the man. I get inextricably involved with the man.
Chapter one
Introduction
Introduction
Mike Graduates The School of Hard Knocks With Highest Honors. Mike heads to the coast for Post Graduate Work.
Chapter Three
Chapter Three
Chapter Three
M Street House. Jean, Jane, Mike, my long- time best buddy Mick, and I, move in together.
Chapter Five
Chapter Three
CHapter Four
Stick Up. Never stiff your drug dealer or your lawyer.
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Seven
Final Straw. Mike’s shit just keeps getting deeper.
Chapter Nine
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eight
Branching Out. Various, nefarious, intertwining schemes.
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eleven
Crossing Over Donner’s Pass. It’s all downhill from there.
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Eleven
Graphic Arts Gang Makes Their Move. From preliminary fraud and larceny, to the launch.
Chapter twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Thirteen
Hooter Flees Mexico. Heads to Denver and quenches his thirst with favorite squeeze.
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Thirteen
New Directions. Welcome to an unprecedented New Year.
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Fourteen
Next Big Thing. Move to the Green House with special new addition.
CHapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Seventeen
Poverty Gulch. Thanks to a lot of hard work and some great luck, the dream comes true.
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Seventeen
Poverty Gulch. Thanks to a lot of hard work and some great luck, the dream comes true.
Chapter eighteen
Chapter eighteen
Chapter eighteen
1978 Marriage And Another Birth. First big Gulch Party and Comfort by any other name.
Chapter nineteen
Chapter eighteen
Chapter eighteen
Hooter Moves To The Gulch. He becomes a fully vested and contributing land partner.
Chapter twenty
Chapter eighteen
Chapter twenty
Hooter’s Best. Good home, good friends, good job, sweet ride, and good speed. What could possibly go wrong?
Click BelowForFull Version
My Hooter Is Crazier Than Yours Part II
Hooter Gets Crazier
Uncle Sam Wants Me
A Brutal And Serpentine Dance With The U.S. Selective Service
CHAPTEr ONe: First Awareness
A man on the other side of the world immolates himself. I take notice.
Chapter Two: Mr. Mueller Informs About U.S. Selective Service
I earn the nickname “Rebel Without A Cause” by teacher. I finally find a girlfriend.
Chapter Three: Growing Radicalization
I register for the draft, get accepted to the most liberal college in the state, and attend my first protest.
CHAPTER FOUR: LIFE CHANGING EVENTS
A missed period and a communique from the local draft board.
Chapter Seven: Mick And Dick Head To Canadas
Near death experience leads to a gut wrenching change of course.
Chapter Eight: Getting Out Of The Draft Again, But Only Temporarily
Spiraling down, down, down......
Short Story collection
Arlo
Buster the man
Bill Stern
My manipulative hippie, then gay, then Christian, rinse and repeat buddy, from back in the day.
Non-Fiction Over 18
Bill Stern
Buster the man
Bill Stern
Fictionalized tale based on a real-life character and events. He never lost his cool, even when a gun was pointed at him. Fiction All ages
Buster the man
Buster the man
CARTER CAMP DAY
Tranquil hitch-hiking trip in the north woods quickly turns enchanting then alarming. Non-Fiction, All Ages
CARTER CAMP DAY
CARTER CAMP DAY
CARTER CAMP DAY
Honored to spend the day with indicted co- conspirator of the takeover of Wounded Knee and co-founder of the American Indian Movement, Carter Camp, drinking beer and smoking pot.
Non-Fiction, Over 18
Catgut
CARTER CAMP DAY
Crying Man
Prodigal cat Pooper returns to cabin in the woods causing this author to soon freak out. Non-Fiction, All Ages
Crying Man
CARTER CAMP DAY
Crying Man
Prodigal cat Pooper returns to cabin in the woods causing this author to soon freak out. Non-Fiction, All Ages
Dorm Life
Five Girlfriends
Five Girlfriends
An observant Catholic, a lapsed Jew, and a disavowed Protestant share a room. Two of them team up to bully the other. Non-Fiction, Over 18..
Five Girlfriends
Five Girlfriends
Five Girlfriends
Author wonders how he ever had that level of energy and stamina. Now I remember. Non-Fiction, Over 18
Freak Out
Five Girlfriends
Freak Out
A frequent marijuana customer loses her shit on some good shit. Non-Fiction, Over 18
LoLa
LSD, and Riding the waves
Freak Out
Tale of adversity, survival, and unconventional family bonds.
Fiction, Over 18
LSD, and Riding the waves
LSD, and Riding the waves
LSD, and Riding the waves
Navigating spiritual and physical landscapes: Non-Fiction, All Ages
MIranda
LSD, and Riding the waves
LSD, and Riding the waves
ow hanging out with a hot young friend made me feel toothless and out to pasture. Non-Fiction, X Rated
NORTH OF EVERYWHERE
On The Bus Or Off the Bus
On The Bus Or Off the Bus
In a fantasy city above the artic circle an unexpected perspective emerges of a father’s deepening dementia.
Fiction, All Ages
On The Bus Or Off the Bus
On The Bus Or Off the Bus
On The Bus Or Off the Bus
Sometimes not making a decision becomes the decision itself. Non-Fiction, All Ages
Payment Due
On The Bus Or Off the Bus
Payment Due
Violent tale of settling an old and devastating debt. Fiction, X Rated
Perfect Hat
Peter And Andrea
Payment Due
A comely Southern Belle with a unique psychic talent. Fiction, All Ages
Peter And Andrea
Peter And Andrea
Peter And Andrea
A damaged soul re-invents herself while uplifting those around her. Fiction, Over 18
Room Of His Own
Peter And Andrea
Peter And Andrea
Peace and solitude can sometimes come with a large price tag.
Fiction, Over 18
Seven Years
Sex Doll In Quarantine
Sex Doll In Quarantine
A long period of sobriety comes to a messy conclusion.
Non-Fiction, All Ages
Sex Doll In Quarantine
Sex Doll In Quarantine
Sex Doll In Quarantine
Questionable choices result in titillating circumstances.
Fiction, X-Rated
sid WolFe
Sex Doll In Quarantine
sid WolFe
Very gross and often hilarious tale of the craziest dude I ever knew before I met Hooter (See the My Hooter Is Crazier memoir on this website). Non-Fiction, X-Rated
Ten Years
Yaku Gets Her Groove On
sid WolFe
arly morning drinking at The Beach Ball Bar and a plan for a finite future. Fiction, Over 18
We're Gonna Get Stupid
Yaku Gets Her Groove On
Yaku Gets Her Groove On
A couple of post adolescent low-lifes make their big play.
Fiction, Over 18
Yaku Gets Her Groove On
Yaku Gets Her Groove On
Yaku Gets Her Groove On
Fun with Uncle Jeffro and Siva. Not so much for Rikki and Marmaduke.
Non-Fiction, X-Rated
YeaH, MOn
Hans, Me, and a couple of proper Jamaican ladies stroll the beach at Negril after dark.
Non-Fiction, All ages
Contact the Author
Questions or Comments?
All comments and questions that I do not regard as hate mail or harassment will receive a response within 48 hours.
Sincerely, Ard
ardtheauthor@yahoo.com
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Your generous donation is greatly appreciated.
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